It started out as every other Sunday starts out. We go to church, eat, take a nap, and then I load up the kids and take them to eat with their daddy at the hospital during his dinner break. We arrived and went and got our food, and then it happened. Conner went into a big seizure. He stopped breathing...this happens quite frequently. I started giving him rescue breaths, only this time, he didn't start breathing on his own. After six breaths, I yelled for help. At that point, he was a blackish grey color. Luckily there were three nurses just coming down for their breaks. They took over breathing and they couldn't get him going again. They called a CODE BLUE and the entire code team came down...close to thirty people. They surrounded Conner and I was pushed out of the way. All I could hear is yelling and things being thrown around. And then I heard complete silence, and during that silence, I heard a voice. A frantic voice that said, "I can't find his pulse...he doesn't have a pulse." His heart had stopped, and at that exact moment, my heart stopped too. All I could do was sit in silence and think of Conner, and what could have been, because in that very moment, my Conner was gone. I remembered him being placed in my arms at one day old and realizing that I was finally a mother. I remembered his first laugh, his first smile. I remembered the heartache of hearing the diagnosis of epilepsy. At that moment, I remembered everything and I dreamed of what could have been. But then, he was back. He was breathing on his own. A miracle had just taken place right in front of our eyes. I thought to myself, "What if we hadn't come to eat with Bryan?" If we would have been anywhere else, ANYWHERE ELSE, Conner wouldn't be alive today. When we first walked into the cafeteria there was only one person there. A little old man eating a bowl of soup. But when Conner had his seizure, there were three nurses to help. Then there was an entire code team to revive him. I know that Heavenly Father gave Conner the breath of life that day.
I added a song to Conner's playlist. Everytime I hear this song, I remember what happened that day and the emotions I felt. It is called "The Woman's Work".